Surely with(out) Him, I Will Nor Be the Same

I have planned to write this thing since long time ago. This problem is like a hole in my heart and going bigger everyday. I never know what the feeling of having a brother as well as sister. My mother gave birth to me almost twenty-years ago and she never thought for having another baby. I do not know the reason. For almost two decades, I don’t have any chance to ask her. People always say that being the only one child in family is a blessing. But, what I fell so much everyday is loneliness.

However, some people in my life have given me kindness which create some kind of feeling. People probably call it as brotherhood. One of them is Kang Ai. I met him for the first time in Universitas Padjadjaran. He studied there and was helping for an event held by Departement Susastra in Fakultas Ilmu Budaya. After that, he often read books and writed his thesis on English Library in which I currently worked as librarian. He is nice and crazy. Celebrating our friend’s graduating, he wrote a big sentence in a big plain fabric by using spray paint. Then, we put in the written fabric on the second floor of B building so that everyone could see it. It is a kind of action which rarely did in here. At the result, the guard became angry and told us to take back the fabric. However, instead removed it, we moved the fabric to the front of English Library. Haha. It was crazy.

Going (back) to Makassar

Being graduated in Dipati Ukur, Kang Ai should go home. I remember when he order the ticket to Makassar via traveloka in English Library on August. I thought it was the last time I saw him. Strangely, several weeks later, I got an exchange program and it allowed me to study in Univesitas Hasanuddin, Makassar. Therefore, it is miracle I can meet him again.


In Makassar, I was a stranger, not having friends and family. For the first time in my life, I was really far away from home. Again, I feel the loneliness, an eternal enemy of mine. Fortunately, Kang Ai helped me to get rid of it. In the first week, he became a bridge and aid me to know students in Fakultas Sastra. Because of him, I am able to talk with students in Perisai, Perhimpunan Mahasiswa Sastra Inggris. Surprisingly, most of students from all departement recognized him. Thus, I got another friend from Sastra Jepang, Sastra Daerah, and Sastra Indonesia. At the time, I thought, to wash out the loneliness, what I need is friends, a lot of them.

Talking about Thesis

I have a problem since finishing my seminar on April 2015. There is not friend whom I am able to talk about fantasy. When I tried to start discussing about it, my friends did not understand what I am talking about. Even in family, my parents do not understand either. In Makassar, the problem became bigger because it was hard to communicate with both of my lecturers about my thesis. When I tried to read books about fantasy, what come in mind is confusion. It is suck being not understand what you read and cannot talk to someone about it. It seems that I am alone again. This loneliness is hurting! Yet, Kang Ai helped me leaving out from this situation. He often invited me to join the discussion in canteen. There, I was able to share my confusion although not much. He sometimes, gave some comments and asked several questions which oftenly made me realize about the problem in my thesis. In the end, he accompanied me going to the airport. Is it the feeling of having a brother?

Still, I don’t get the feeling of having siblings. However, I found an interesting poem about having a brother named My Brother written by  Vanessa Hernandez . It is probably true.

My Brother is so annoying
My Brother is so sad
My Brother drives me crazy
it makes me wanna go mad.

My Brother makes my father constantly yell
My Brother makes my mother cry
My Brother makes me wanna go die, sometimes…

My Brother is crazy
My Brother is nuts
Sometimes I want to grab him and choke him til’ he goes nuts

Someday I won’t have my brother
and I wish that day will never come

Because surely without him
I will nor be the same



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Waduk Jatiluhur: A Lake Isle of Innisfree

Probably, I would start this post by quoting first stanza of a poem.

I will arise and go now, and go to Innisfree,
And a small cabin build there, of clay and wattles made:
Nine bean rows I will have there, a hive for the honey bee,
And live alone in the bee loud glade,

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Hujan di Makassar

Awalnya saya berniat menulis pendapat saya mengenai wacana musibah di Prancis yang beberapa orang anggap penderitaanya tidak seberapa dengan musibah yang ada di Palestina baru-baru ini. Sayang sekali, pas nyampe ke Rusunawa, saya malah mendapat sebuah pengalaman aneh. Pengalaman yang harus segera ditulis ke dalam sebuah cerita, keburu lupa.

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Dayat dan Hujan

The day is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains,and the wind is never weary;
The vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
But at every gust the dead leaves fall,
And the day is dark and dreary

Dayat sedang berlari. Bajunya basah kuyub. Air-air menetes dari daun-daun di atas kepalanya. Sakit rasanya. Entah bagaimana kabar buku-buku dan novel Ibu yang sedang dibawanya dalam tas. Untung saja laptop dia tinggalkan di kamar. Malas dia bawa. Naik turun empat lantai saja sudah bikin capek, lebih capek lagi kalau bawa laptop.

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Ambiguous Identity and Misunderstanding in the Invisible Man and the Buddha in Suburbia

Finally, I have finished another exercise in Politic of Narrative Methods class. In this essay, I tried to answer questions below addresing Identity problem in Ellison’s the Invisible Man and Kureishi’s the Buddha of Suburbia. Another essay regarding the narrative level can be seen as well in my previous post here. Have a good day.

How does the protagonist-narrator’s multifaceted Reinhart identity represent the unstable selfhood in his pre-invisible period? How is invisibility more secure and stable? What about Karim’s identity? In what ways do varied narrative strategies correspond to ambivalent and/or ambiguous identities?

How do circumstances of speech acts influence how utterances are understood? Consider the yellow-cur incident in Lord Jim and the invisible man’s “speak[ing] for you,” as well as the misunderstanding that occurs with Mr. Norton. Is there such an instance in The Buddha of Suburbia?

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The Narrative Level: Problems in the Satanic Verse and the Invisible Man

Finally, it finished. IT was the first assignment I got when I arrived in campus. And I still working for another assignment. Hope be able to finish it ASAP.

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Petualangan di Ketekesu, Toraja Part II

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January 2, 2016 · 2:50 am

Selamat Tahun Baru 2016

Tahun 2015, bagi saya, menjadi tahun yang mengagumkan. Bukan hanya karena banyak kenangan manis yang terjadi, tetapi banyak juga kenangan pahitnya. Mulai dari patah hati, mati-matian mengurus judul skripsi, dan meninggalkan sahabat dan keluarga di Bandung. Walaupun begitu, rasa sakit itu kini malah menjadi bagian dari kenangan yang manis. Saya bertemu teman-teman baru dan keluarga baru
yang mengajari saya banyak hal. Memang, awalnya saya sedikit sulit beradaptasi. Tapi, dari situlah saya mulai sadar, apa arti dan manfaat membuat hubungan dalam kehidupan.

Karena Tuhan bilang sesudah kesulitan selalu akan datang kemudahan. Terimakasih Makassar. Hatur nuhun barudak. Selamat tahun baru 2016.


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January 2, 2016 · 2:39 am